More ultrasounds...

Quick peek in 4D of Baby Boy Duprey at 28 weeks. We'll be going back at 32 weeks for an additional follow-up growth check. I love being able to check in on the little guy, however, the anxiety that comes with the need for these ultrasounds can be hard to manage. I'm trying to keep in perspective that if we weren't living in a place with such advanced medical care (kind of like where we used to live ;) ); these potential anomalies would remain unknown to us and we'd have the same outcome eventually-good or bad. At least this way we are getting to meet and greet our boy through the magic of the ultrasound transponder...

"What's in a name?"

Juliet:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Joe and I have begun the conversation about names for the little man. The above citation from Shakespeare is obviously referring to a surname...the infamous troubles between the Capulets and the Montagues. In that context I can agree with Juliet's assertion that the importance of the name as a connection to family or tradition is negligible compared to the quality of substance of the individual bearing the name.

Even with that rationalization that the name itself is not as important as the person he shall become, the choosing of a name for another person is one of the first big decisions we must make as a parent. There are so many options for names-so many we would rule out based on prior associations in our lives, rule out based on the fact that so-and-so just named their new baby that name, rule out based on not wanting to have our kids with names starting with the same letter (yikes!!). The easiest part of this process, at least at this point, is the ruling out of names.

Last night while checking out a baby names website we really got a kick out of some of the ruled out names...Brick, for one. Joe was still laughing this morning about naming our child Brick Duprey. Also, he thought it was equally special to name the boy "Jermaine"-add our last name to that, and if you still don't get it, Google Janet Jackson and check her boyfriend's name out. ;)

Of course, at this time, Baby Boy Duprey's name is Max. Amelia loves this name, but she knows that Max is the "belly name" and might not be his name when he is not in the belly. She has even told her classmates and teachers about how her baby brother has a "belly name". I think Max is a good name (full name Maxwell). However, when "Max" grows into a man I don't want the story regarding his name to be that we "named him after a cartoon bunny who only speaks in monosyllabic utterances and gets bossed around by his big sister bunny". I know not all men named Max are named after 'Max & Ruby', but our "Max" would be so it would be hard to dissociate that connection.

We have found a handful of names we do like after our preliminary search. I guess neither Joe nor I ever had any real preconceived notions of what we'd want to name our children, so this process is hard for us. I'm also feeling some pressure on this selection because of "Max"being a male. It feels easier for me to ponder female names and to like more of them that I see. Perhaps that is merely because the pressure is off for girl names so it's easy to nostalgically look at those and think "ooh that would be so sweet". Now, here I am looking for names that will fit the baby kicking my bladder right now, who'll be a sweet little one, but eventually grow into a man. We need to find the "Name for all Seasons" for this man....but thus far we have not.

1/29/09 UPDATE: uh oh, MSNBC is narrowing our choices:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28916131/

Headline:

What's in a name? Maybe a criminal future

Boys with unpopular names are more prone to break law, study says

Week 15 - Sick Sick sick

Well this week finds me with a better state of mind but what I gained in emotional strenth, I've really lacked physically. During my first pregnancy I rarely if ever got sick. I think I had one mild sore throat. This time around, with a preschooler bringing me the pathogen of the week every week-I've had more than my share of ailments. I'm hoping that I can get a break from this viral cycle for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, and our trip to MD that weekend for a friend's wedding.

I had a monthly checkup today, and as I waited in the examination room sniffing, eyes watering, coughing...I was not having a great time. When the midwife entered and quickly positioned me for hearing the heartbeat I was still lamenting my illnesses to her, but soon it all melted away as she found the right spot and I heard the wonderful "whoosh whoosh whoosh", and it was all I could do to keep from laughing with joy. It was a great reminder that even though this is a hard time, it's also quite the miracle. If only I had my very own bedside Dopplar so that when I wake up at 1am sneezing with a mercilessly sore throat...I'm able to really, truly remember how good I have it.

The waiting....

Well, here we are at what I estimate with the assistance of online calculators, the end of week 13 or the beginning of week 14-depending on which one I use ;)

I have felt most of my negative symptoms (nausea, extreme fatigue, volatile emotions) dissipate over the past few weeks. Among new developments, I have nasal congestion and occasional fits of sneezing and the extra special development of acne. Woohoo, nothing like feeling like a kid again while you are carrying one around in your stomach.

This time period of 'waiting' is kind of maddening to me, however. I can't feel a baby kicking yet. I don't go to the dr often enough yet to get enough reassurance that everything is ok.

Aside from those things, I need to go shopping for maternity clothes. I 'm wearing the same clothes, except for some maternity t-shirts I still have, which I wear on weekends. I feel like the time has come to progress to the clothes that will look more flattering on someone whose belly is protruding more and more each day. The body changes I'm going through at this point are not making me feel like a glowing earth mother pregnant lady. I feel kind of gross, and it's really bumming me out. My mission therefore is to take action to do what I can to lift my spirits. Tomorrow is a state holiday, and I'm going to hit the Red Hen in Carrboro to hopefully find some good deals on some cute clothes :)

Well....there is really a baby in there! It was so awesome to see the little one with heart beating furiously, and also taking time out to jump around for us. Neither of these pics are very clear, it was much better with the live action. The one on the bottom is a trans abdominal pic taken after the midwife could not find "anything" trans vaginally and I was, *FREAKING OUT*. For those not attuned to the blurry ultrasound deciphering, the baby is marked by little x's and also is the figure inside the circle.

C-Section information-or lack thereof

I have a rant, and it's about childbirth. I guess it's never too early to think about my childbirth preference, especially since the nurse asked me what my decision was two weeks ago...I had no idea I was supposed to know this early. I said I wasn't sure, but that my default answer was for a repeat caesarean. The three nurses I saw that day, upon reading that "repeat caesarean" on my chart actually responded with great relief, which came as a surprise. The reason for my surprise I think stems from the bombardment of negative press and negative attitudes I've experienced related to the c-section birth.

When I was pregnant with Amelia and her due date approached, I was ideally looking forward to the vaginal birth experience. This, I think, is the wish of most pregnant women. Really, who is adamantly hoping they get their abdomen cut open, sliced through the nerves and the stomach wall? Who craves the recovery of that, and feeling truly disabled for quite some time, feeling uncomfortable and in constant pain when trying to learn to breastfeed? Nobody. Obviously a c-section is major surgery and not to be a preferential method of childbirth if you have the option of avoiding it.

That being said...in many cases it cannot be avoided. And that is OK. Women with chronic health problems, uterine abnormalities, babies presenting as transverse and breech...without the c-section there might be more moms and babies to suffer death and/or deformity needlessly. Additionally, if labor does not progress, the baby is in distress, etc...the c-section again saves the day. Which, really, when all is said and done is the goal.

The issue of the VBAC always seems to come up for me these days. People asking if I'm going to try for one. I am honestly not sure about it. Uterine rupture sounds like it might suck. I know that only a small percentage of patients experience this, and that the recommendation is that only women who have had some kind of double stitching done during their first c-section repair of the uterus should attempt VBAC, and that lately more dr's have only been using the single stitch. Hmm...in my morphine induced haze after my surgery I do not recall Dr. Ehret elaborating on what kind of stitching technique he used on my uterus. Ultimately, I'll make the decision for my delivery with my new dr and I'll be ok with whatever that is...even if it is the repeat c-section.

My problem with the pregnancy community, all the pregnancy literature, blogs, websites that aim to support pregnant women is this: why don't you tone down the natural vaginal birth is the only healthy way to birth propaganda? Yes yes, you are right about the fact that it's "natural" and there are many many ways that it's better for mom and for baby. But what about for me, and for others that don't have a choice? Where are the sites for people like us, who are going to or have had a c-section? There should be more information that is purely informative and possibly even supportive. In my childbirth classes, a very small percentage of the overall time was spent on discussing and role playing a c-section. Still, none of this was enough preparation for heading into the OR, getting the spinal and the actual operation. Nobody warned me that they'd give me the spinal without Joe present, or that I should probably be ready for the process of the spinal to be one of the freakiest things to happen. There are so many things that c-section moms need to know, so that they can take some ownership of the situation. This time around, I plan to make sure that the negatives associated with my first c-section are not repeated. These negatives had nothing to do with my medical care, which by any standard was great-I'm here and healthy and so is Amelia! All I'm saying is, for the number of women who end up having c-sections whether planned or unplanned-c-section information is inadequate and most of it is in the spirit of "10 things you can do to avoid a c-section"...not very helpful when you are lying on the table under the bright lights.

Showing faster this time around...and when can we tell Amelia?!

Thanks to some residual abdominal fat and an old wive's tale of 2nd and subsequent pregnancies showing earlier...I am most definitely unable to suck my stomach in anymore. I don't have a rounded, firm baby bump but I'm having to choose wisely with the clothes I select for situations where people do not know I am pregnant. I think, actually, I just look like I've been wolfing down Ben & Jerry's. Hopefully it won't be long before I'm showing in a more pregnancy-appropriate fashion.

Well, I'm really hoping the time is drawing near when I will be letting work know of my situation. More important that the big reveal at the workplace, however, is the telling of Amelia. We didn't want to tell her too soon for two pretty obvious reasons. 1)We want to make sure everything looks ok in the ultrasound next week 2)however many months that will be left after we tell her will certainly seem like an eternity to her, with her preschool time sensibilities. Lately though I notice that she is kind of rough when we play around, etc and I am really wanting to let her know so we can have the talk about how "we need to be more gentle with Mommy because..."

Amelia has a preference for a sibling to be a female. I think this is only normal at her age, she wants playmates who mirror her right now, people she can identify with in ways she understands. I'm good with that. I hope that she is able to move beyond her current distaste for all things little boy, if that ends up being the gender of the wee bebe. I'm not worried that she will never warm up to the idea, after all she really really really likes the cartoon Max & Ruby, where the bossy older sister Ruby has a little brother named Max. I, selfishly, just don't want to have to deal with incessant whining or crying about how "IT HAS TO BE A SISTER!!". (we've had theoretical discussions about this before, and that is her immediate response). Aside from this dilemma-I'm still really excited to tell Amelia, and I think she will be an excellent big sister ;)